Probably the second hardest blog post I've ever had to write. But I must back up a bit, and let you know what all transpired.
Harley's diagnosis of Vestibular Syndrome came with a "if he doesn't start getting better in a few days, call us" message from the vet on Monday. While his energy seemed to be really up in the mornings,by Thursday evening, it was really becoming clear that he was getting worse. I called the Vet on Friday morning, and they asked me to pop in, and they would pull some blood, and see the results. The vet called me at home on Friday night, and said that we really needed to get a neurologist consult, and there was nowhere else I was going than to Dr Prouty, where Koda had received such excellent treatment. They didn't have an appointment until the following Friday, but on Saturday morning, her technician called, and said to bring him in immediately. So, off Harley and I went, over to Clackamas, where he ended up spending the night. On Saturday, he had an MRI and a Spinal Tap. Before the MRI DR Prouty called me and said that just by his behavior, she was expecting to find a brain tumor of some sort. She called me that night, and said yes, the scans showed a large mass in his head, covering several sensitive areas, but we were also waiting for results from the spinal tap (on Monday), and to see how he did overnight on some steroids.
Dr Prouty called about noon on Sunday, and said Harley was improving from the evening before, and could we come over at 2pm. Mom, George and I all went, and Dr Prouty showed us the MRI scans and talked to us about quality of life, etc. She is 99% sure that it's a cancerous tumor, and totally inoperable. We could do radiation, but that may only help him for at most 6 months. It was very hard, and I bawled thru most of it. Just 1 1/2 weeks earlier he'd been fine--no issues that were showing, and then all of a sudden, he starts bumping into things?!?!?!? The worst part was that the tumor was about to wrap around the part of the brain that affected his heart and lung function.
George and I decided to take him home for the night, and wait for the Spinal tap results on Monday. I took about 20 photos of him, but looking back, they aren't the Harley I want to remember. They're very glassy eyed, and confused dog, and that's not who my baby was. He was the happy to see you, mellow boxer that all my friends and family love.
Monday, he came to the office with me, which he hasn't done since mom got Koda (they didn't exactly get along), and he laid by my desk crying all day (totally not like him). About 4:30 is when I got the call from Dr Prouty that the spinal fluid was completely clear, which meant no infection or inflammation was present, and now she was 100% sure it's a cancerous tumor.
In the 4 days since he'd had his blood drawn at the vet's office, he'd gone downhill so fast. The steroids ended up making him sick, he was really uncomfortable, not able to walk a straight line, and was falling down a lot. I called George, and said I couldn't go on seeing my puppy suffer like this, as it was breaking my heart. He left work, met me at home, and we took Harley to the vet's office. We ended his suffering, surrounded by love (me, George and mom), and I held him while he drifted off to sleep.
I hate this for many reasons. One--it was January 14th--exactly 1 1/2 years to the day that we lost my dad. Two--it's the first adult decision I've made where everyone around me is telling me that I've made the right decision, and it didn't include kicking the man in my life, out of my life. Three--I miss him so much. Four--It's so hard to watch George cry, which we have done a lot together this week. Five--I hate going home to a quiet house, with no "click-click" of nails on the kitchen floor, no one to cuddle with during my crappy TV shows, or lay on the floor and fart while I'm sewing.
I know it won't be long before we have another dog in the house, but Harley will always hold a very special place in my heart. I know he's letting my dad tug on his jowls right now, and they're having fun playing with our other puppies who have gone before him.
So--I leave you today with a few photos, and a reminder to love your puppies!
Love you baby.
~~Ang
